Date: 10 December 2013. Reluctant Wives.
More than one time I've heard while ashore some fellow
bemoan that his previously encouraging wife no longer wished to take to
the seas with him. There are a variety of reasons for this. Of
course a guy is going to figure that if he argues, suddenly the Mrs. will
realize how fabulously smart her fellow is. She'll also change her mind
because he is absolutely correct and she is wrong. Sure...that's going to
happen. Men, bless their hearts, just don't "get" it, but not to worry:
I've got some ideas that might just help!
That said, one of the first issues I routinely hear about is the husband's effort to persuade said wife by
badgering her into compliance/agreement. Tell me gents,
how often has an important argument ended via her capitulation? Has she
ever had an epiphany because of an argument you two have had? You've
already attempted that tract/tact, so it's time to move on to something
potentially more successful.
A man convinced against his will, is of the
same opinion still. Edmond J. Marois.
The above saying (a favorite of my Daddy's) works the same way
for ladies, so here are
a few ideas that might help the two of you decide if this life is for you:
I'm wondering if you're presenting this as a "forever" event, as in sell
out and go on the boat permanently? And if so, I can well imagine the battle you're losing
-- it won't fly.
Rather than attempt to cruise as a long-term wish/dream, why not test the
waters so to speak?
If presented as a "let's take a vacation to XYZ [a warm
Caribbean island works well in the winter time] for two weeks" versus
"we're going to sell the house and live forever in a boat sailing around
the world" you'll probably have more success. Frankly I am concerned
that you are getting ready to sink quite a lot of your assets into a boat
without ascertaining if it's for you (and her) and whether it will make your lives
better or not.
No, a two week trip in an fancy charter yacht will not be a
totally accurate look at boat life, but it's better than the fantasy you've
built up -- and far less scary than the one she's against. Here are some
Do you have a history of jumping in with both feet?
Does that work well for
How does your wife adjust to change?
Are you Captain Bligh? If you're a totalitarian Big Boss, of course she's
going to be wary
of submitting to a tyrant -- even a handsome one, especially if he's at
the helm. She'll be far from home. Will she feel safe?
Frankly, I'm on "her side" in this issue. It's time to backtrack. Just
because it was a
dream doesn't mean it remains so. It is VERY REASONABLE for you to expect
her to take a two
week vacation with you, even on an expensive charter yacht. During that time
you should do your utmost
to be casual and
fun. Make the experience a good one for her.
Picture yourself enjoying a glass of wine at sunset off
the Morgan ketch Oremae's starboard quarterdeck.
It's not a matter of you changing her mind. It is a matter of her
expanding to the possibility that the long ago dream will work today and
in the future, at
least for a short term. Please do not plan on initially making this
boating experience a Forever Event. You both need an escape and choices. It's far easier to enjoy life afloat if you know you have options.
That's my view -- and yes, out here there are some reluctant
spouses. A few are along merely to please their mate, but often, if the
couple is compatible
it works out well for the long term. Invariably however the reluctant one
was promised a
relatively short term boating experience and came to love it.
While diamonds may be "a girl's best
friend," most women know that a life partner who gives them attention,
affection, praise and assistance when they need it is a jewel more
precious than any stone could ever be. Jeanne Phillips, daughter of Dear
With yours, I wish you well. Back off though and try a new tactic.
destined to fail. More ideas will be covered in upcoming articles. Stay
I'd love to hear of your experiences.
Were you once reluctant and now not so?
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Christmas Aboard 2013