Date: 28 April 2014.
Sadder and Wiser.
Guest author Eliza in New England.
This piece is for
The Writer's Block.
It's written by a website guest in response to the problems of
finding someone to love (and lust) after a certain age. Comments are encouraged.
Dating after Decades
spoke to me. I am divorced and it's awfully hard to be a woman who
has passed through the nubile stage of life and essentially become
invisible to men. Though I am looking for that special fellow, there is the realization that my shape isn't the greatest. I'm
older, Reubenesque, have some wrinkles and am no longer young.
Plus I've been rejected by a
husband who promised to love me forever, so I will grant you that
I'm a bit gun-shy. I'll also admit to yearning to be touched but the
thought of being naked in front of someone terrifies me!
Norman Rockwell captures young love: (was it ever
One afternoon a couple months ago I was riding in a
car with a neighbor (he's married) and when I got out of his vehicle
he gently touched my back to guide me towards the business we were
going into. It struck me that I could not recall the last time
anyone had touched me outside of a doctor's office.
That's when I decided to take the
bull by the horns and find someone who could want me.
Flowers in Bloom by Norman Rockwell.
Men my age are generally single
for a number of reasons:
Some are walking wounded.
Many are burned out.
There are those who chose
A few are pigs.
One of my bankers seemed nice, and
when he asked me out I accepted.
Soon (date three) I succumbed to
passion with him and spent the night at his house. Maybe I was too
"easy" ... men are allowed and encouraged to have needs. Women are
not. It was lovely to be with a man again, though a bit awkward too.
But I liked it.
The next morning he had work (I'm
retired) so out I went with a cup of coffee. Ditto the next few
times I spent the night.
It was difficult to get past the
nerves of being naked in front of that man but I did it. The sex got better after the
first couple of times too -- likely because of a familiarity that
developed. He was a good partner, passionate and considerate, plus
Then I came to another
realization: There is far too much I don't know about men in this
millennium. I really don't. I'm not sure how to please a man any
more. Specifically, how do I make him want to spend more time with
me in places other than the bedroom?
Socializing is well illustrated by Norman Rockwell's
painting "And the Symbol of Welcome is Light"
You see, he never took me out in
public. Always we went to his house and though the sex is fine, I'd
like more. I'd like to spend time with him doing ordinary things
like cooking dinner, sharing drinks at a nightclub, meeting his
My banker NEVER had me visit
except when he had a specific task to do the next morning. I'm not
saying I wanted to spend entire days with him, but getting the bum's
rush out the door wasn't so nice either.
I was not invited to his place on
the weekend. Though he didn't live with anyone (I did spend the
night after all) I suspect he has a girl friend that he would stay
with on weekends. My mind thinks she's young, gorgeous and all that
I once was. :(
It seems like he only wanted me in
the bedroom and though it was comfortable there and pleasurable too
it was also sad to know that was all I was: a passionate
playmate, unworthy of more.
Norman Rockwell painting "After the Prom" reminds me
of the the shared joys of love when younger:
I was good enough (which you
advocate repeatedly in your articles) but not for him, at least not
in public. Good enough for sex, but not for those strolls through
the woods, no trips to the local Italian restaurant, nor the local
At this point I'm sadder and
wiser. I chose poorly a man who only saw me for a sex partner. And
no, I'm not asking that he profess undying love, propose and marry
me. I just wanted to be enjoyed outside of the bedroom of his
I'm also ashamed to admit that if
he called tomorrow I'd want to see him. He's a
kind and thoughtful
lover -- but only when I'm there. I suppose I am convenient.
Next time I have to find
someone that wants me on weekends too. Do you have any
advice in that regard?
Thank you for allowing me to vent
-- somehow I hope an internet stranger might be able to offer advice that a
friend cannot. And anyways, I don't want my friends to know what an
idiot I was. Opening my heart and getting naked was scary
© Eliza in New England.
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