For years I've been collecting short pithy statements otherwise known as aphorisms. If you're like me and enjoy thought provoking items, well, here you go:

1. You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

2. Once a man comes to like a sea life, he is no longer fit to live on dry land. Dr. Samuel Johnson, 1708-1784.

3. Friends are relatives you make for yourself. Eustache Deschamps.

4. After eating a 4-cylinder Datsun did Godzilla say 'Gosh I could have had a V-8'?

5. I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

6. The man who invented pills was a very bright fellow--but the man who put the sugar coating on them was a genius. William Lyon Phelps.

7. Old age and sickness bring out the essential characteristics of a man. Felix Frankfurter.

8. Things that can never be boring: passing clouds, dancing flames and running water. Vito Dumas, paraphrased.

9. Crude boat names are regarded with derision by all but the most immature. Janice Marois.

10. The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

11. To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist. Oscar Wilde.

12. Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live. Tuck Everlasting.

13. A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

14. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "ut oh," it's already too late.

15. My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat.

16. Boaters should realize schedules are guidelines for the future rather than carved in stone. Janice Marois.

17. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

18. The best version of condition I've seen in a survey was "Exhibits extensive amounts of deferred maintenance." BaltimoreLurker on TrawlerForum.

19. If someone more than one time makes the same suggestion, find out why. Janice Marois.

20. Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters. Daniel Webster.

21. In order to discover new lands, one must be willing to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. Andre Gide.

22. The only way to ensure you won't succeed is not even to try.

23. I learned in Navy yards long ago that you get the job you inspect and insist on - leave your boat to the mercy of the yard at your own risk. Rich Gano, M/V Frolic.

24. There are three signs of old age: The first is memory loss...I can't remember the other four. Christopher Stevens.

25. He considered himself a "writer" as opposed to an "author," defining a writer as someone whose books sell. Mickey Spillane, of Mike Hammer fame.

26. She was at home among books, not humans. If her books could have come alive and been present at that gathering, how gladly would she have walked in and conversed with their characters, one by one, thrilled by the thought of meeting those she knew so well. Grace Livingston Hill in Crimson Roses.

27. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin.

28. Generosity with strings is not generosity: it is a deal. Marya Mannes.

29. There are thousands and thousands of people out there living lives of quiet, screaming desperation who work long, hard hours, at jobs they hate, to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like. Nigel Marsh.

30. A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot, and realize how blessed you are. Pinterest.

31. There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure. Colin Powell.

32. Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

33. Even as we sit here quietly at the dock, enjoying our drinks, things are breaking. Caltexflanc on TrawlerForum.

34. You can either ask someone to do something or tell them how you want it done; not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

35. Be resourceful and think outside the box. Craig aka CPseudonym on TrawlerForum.

36. In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. Mary Poppins.

37. Thorough preparation makes its own luck. Joe Poyer.

38. As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government. Dave Barry.

39. Experience is your reward for surviving your mistakes.

40. The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full... of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

41. Machinist Workshop Magazine did a test of penetrating oils. They tested the break-out torque required to loosen rusty nuts. This is what they came up with: Nothing 516 lbs; WD-40 238 lbs; PB Blaster 214 lbs; Liquid Wrench 127 lbs, Kano Kroil 106 lbs; Automatic transmission fluid (ATF)/Acetone mix (50/50) 50 lbs.

42. It's not hard to meet expenses - they are everywhere.

43. Do not let the best become the enemy of the good. Ron Rogers.

44. You eventually realize you don't own a boat... you are the mayor of a city with several power stations, fresh and salt water supplies, lighting, generators, main power station, and a sewage system. Bruce, Mayor of M/V Mary Shaw.

45. I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more upset about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house. SomeEcards.

46. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. Thomas Jefferson.

47. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

48. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. Rodney Dangerfield.

49. A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

50. Battery Terminal Corrosion: On positive side, suspect overcharging; on ground terminal, suspect undercharging.

51. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. George Jean Nathan.

52. Even small noises cause the pupils of eyes to dilate. It is believed that this is why surgeons, watchmakers and others who perform delicate manual operations are so bothered by uninvited noise. The sound causes their pupils to change focus and blur the vision, making it harder to do their job well.

53. If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.

54. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

55. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. Mae West.

56. You won't have to buy more if you know where what you already own is located. Janice Marois.

57. God, to compensate for the weakness of man, had bestowed on him reason, invention, and skill in workmanship. Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss.

58. If you can control your expectations, you can control the costs. AusCan on TrawlerForum.

59. Nothing is as permanent as a temporary repair! Sailor of Fortune on TrawlerForum.

60. It ain't what they call you. It's what you answer to. W.C. Fields.

61. Transitions, no matter how anticipated or good can be hard. It seems like we have to let something go in order to grasp that new thing. Pam in Minnesota.

62. I can best be described as physically phfitt, and not getting any younger. Janice Marois.

63. Regarding Colonel Harlan Sanders: In retrospect, maybe Colonel Sanders wasn't really all that interested in cooking. Maybe everything, the secret blend of herbs and spices, the down-home persona, the hundreds of franchises, was a cover for the fact that he had a deep, abiding, and pathological hatred of hens.

64. Never take a 16-year-old male grocery shopping before you feed him.

65. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P.J. O'Rourke.

66. I personally like the forward progression mankind has made in life and would like to capitalize on it. M/V Miller Time part deux.

67. I am not bullheaded; I simply have a resistance to stupid ideas. Diana Palmer.

68. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

69. My daughter was asked by a little old lady in a London hotel restaurant what her daddy did. She answered, "He's a pirate" - I was very proud of that answer. Johnny Depp.

70. When you innovate, you’ve got to be prepared for everyone telling you that you’re nuts. Larry Ellison.

71. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will. Mahatma Gandhi, 1869-1948.

72. Safety, convenience, security, reliability and comfort are all important factors for my future afloat.

73. When something bad is going on the last thing the person in trouble needs is a useless kibitzer. Janice Marois.

74. Politicians never accuse you of 'greed' for wanting other people's money - only for wanting to keep your own money. Joseph Sobran.

75. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn. Abraham Lincoln.

76. A technician replaces parts. A professional finds out why something happened and solves the underlying problem before replacing parts. Paul of Sunrize Marine, paraphrased.

77. Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. Sam Levenson.

78. If a girl's heart wasn't lovely what did it matter how her outward features were formed? The Street of the City by Grace Livingston Hill.

79. I long for the solitude of a sunset at sea, and the chill of the breeze coming in with the eve. For the motion of my boat, as she swings on her rode, and the beauty of the stars, in the evenings last glow. R.C. Gibbons.

80. Fool me once, your fault. Fool me twice, mine. Edmond J. Marois.

81. Skinny people tick me off! Especially when they say things like, 'You know, sometimes I forget to eat.' You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

82. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow. Jeff Valdez.

83. Manatees reside in the nicer, more populated areas. Generally the more upscale and pricey the real estate, the more manatees, requiring more signs and "no wake" zones. Pat Culotta.

84. Cop says: "Gee, your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?" Drunk says: "Gee officer, your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

85. The best indicator of future performance is past behavior.

86. Now, bring me that horizon. Johnny Depp.

87. There is no such thing as a ten minute boat project. Trust me on this..! PeterB on TrawlerForum.

88. Don't tell people your troubles. 80% don't care and 20% are glad it happened. Lou Holtz, football coach.

89. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows. Audrey Hepburn.

90. My heart says, 'Pizza!' but my skirt says 'Good grief, woman! Eat some celery!'

91. 7 days without pizza makes one weak.

92. The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crises maintain their neutrality. Dante Alighieri.

93. Patience and fortitude conquer all things. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

94. My wife says I claim to be messing with boats but that what I am really doing is collecting tools. Douglas Pollard.

95. Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

96. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

97. Of all the sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’

98. One should only feel guilt for intentional misdeeds. One should never feel guilt for the limitations of life. Dr. Laura.

99. I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it. Walter Matthau.

100. Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right. Henry Lewis Mencken, 1880-1956.

101. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to lobsters in the galley.

102. All things are difficult before they are easy.

103. I think we often set our expectations too high--a perfect picture of happy, sun-lit children frolicking non-violently in a meadow only stopping to do enriching activities and eat healthy picnics. In reality, a day where everyone is alive when my husband gets home and I have something on the table for dinner (it may be PB&J) is a victory. Holly on www.drlaura.com

104. Ancora Imparo, Latin. On sketch by Michelangelo meaning "Yet I learn" or "I still learn".

105. You can do anything you decide to do. Amelia Earhart.

106. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

107. Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. William James.

108. Scientists say they have found the “Master Switch” that controls obesity. It’s called the refrigerator light. Jay Leno.

109. There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something you accept no excuses; only results. Kenneth Blanchard.

110. At the end of the day home is only important because of the people in it, not the stuff nor how it is arranged, dusted or kept up.

111. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

112. No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen. Jewish Proverb.

113. Wisdom consists not so much in knowing what to do in the ultimate as knowing what to do next. Herbert Hoover.

114. Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. Nido Qubein.

115. Air conditioning was invented for the specific purpose of maintaining intelligent life in the south.

116. You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. Beverly Sills.

117. Imagination is intelligence having fun.

118. Rule of 3s: We can do without oxygen for three minutes. We can do without a viable water source for three days. We can live without food for three weeks. But after that, you're dead. British Prepper Michael Sanderson.

119. Dreams make the impossible possible, dedication makes the possible probable, and work makes the probable happen. Jim Trefethen.

120. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks.

121. Aim for success, not perfection. Dr. David M. Burns.

122. In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. Daniel L. Reardon.

123. Women shop and men buy. Janice Marois.

124. I shall add to my list, as the eighth deadly sin, that of anxiety of mind; and resolve not to be pining and miserable, when I ought to be grateful and happy. Sir Thomas Bernard, 1817.

125. A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it's own wings. Always believe in yourself.

126. How many boaters does it take to change a light bulb? None, because the right size bulb isn't on board, the local marine-supply store doesn't carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

127. The difference between try and triumph is just a little "umph"!

128. A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'

129. Parents are like shuttles on a loom. They join the threads of the past with threads of the future and leave their own bright patterns as they go. Fred Rogers. 1928-2003. Mr. Rogers.

130. One of the reasons things can be hard to part with is that we invest them with value they don't really have. We bought things for who we wanted to be so we mourn not being that person now. If you can concentrate instead on who you are becoming it will help. Linda Sand.

131. Less clutter is both mentally and emotionally liberating. That may indeed be the greatest gift you ever give yourself. Janice Marois.

132. No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've purchased it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

133. Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton.

134. Callipygian means having a shapely bottom.

135. Give your decisions, never your reasons; your decisions may be right. Your reasons are sure to be wrong. Lord Mansfield, 18th century Lord Chief Justice of England.

136. I also was once sooo sure I had made a mistake, but then I woke up and realized it was just a nightmare.... We perfectionists have some really bad dreams. Rich Gano.

137. Mildew Cure-all: Boric Acid [20-mule team Borax] is a fungicide. Dissolve in a bucket of hot water and "paint" it where unseen. The powder kills insects (roach killer) when mixed with some form of sugar. Lysol is the strongest biocide - use gloves.

138. Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.

139. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. Mark Twain.

140. Our goal should be to provide everything that SHOULD be done, not everything that COULD be done. Donald B. Chalfin, MD.

141. This isn't hell. This is where you get sent when you've been bad in hell.

142. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.

143. It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. Marylyn Monroe.

144. Every cruiser is born with a certain amount of tolerance. By the time you get to the status of old cruiser, you've had to deal with so many jerks all your 'nice' is used up.

145. Ballpoint pens were invented by a Michigan scientist attempting to reduce the number of birds killed for their quills.

146. Why do famous people feel cool? Because they are surrounded by fans! Bree Schultz.

147. A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan next week. General George Patton.

148. Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see.

149. I study innovations and imagine ways the new ideas can be used to positively impact my life. Janice Marois.

150. The mechanic called the car owner's well-kept records an autobiography.

151. An old rule of mine is that marriage does not improve behavior. Ever. Margo Howard, daughter of Ann Landers.

152. Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fools' Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!' Robert Knauerhase.

153. Generally there is something about everything that you can be glad about, if you keep hunting long enough to find it. Pollyanna by Eleanor Hodgman Porter.

154. Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

155. My nickel budget knows the greater the waterline the more costs incurred. Janice Marois.

156. Clutter seems to grow exponentially when one settles in a place for any length of time. Janice Marois.

157. Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark.

158. Everyone is your best friend when you are successful. Paula Abdul.

159. When I was eighteen, I wanted to save the world. Now, I'd be happy to save a hundred dollars. Earl Wilson.

160. Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. Red Buttons.

161. The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

162. Getting rid of clutter isn't just throwing away stuff. Instead, it's about picking the very best and using pnly those things that bring pleasure. Janice Marois.

163. Tricks of the Trades by Bruce Van Sant is a book for those that aren't of the Voyager's Handbook economic stratosphere, for people who are physically phfitt and not getting any younger, for boaters who want to know how he did it for decades aboard a series of boats. I liked it. Janice Marois.

164. I am not saying you're crazy; I'm saying you're one buckle shy of a straight jacket.

165. Misfortunes one can endure--they come from outside, they are accidents. But to suffer for ones own faults--ah!--there is the sting of life! Oscar Wilde.

166. My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time and avoid multiplying.

167. 1-cent trivia: Pre-1982 pennies were 95% copper, 5% zinc. Pennies minted after 1982 are 99.2% zinc with a 0.8% copper coating.

168. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

169. I may make many mistakes in my life, but neglecting to enjoy my baby will not be among them. For now, she is all promise and all potential. And for a little while, she is all mine. Caroline Castle Hicks.

170. I prefer to think of my boat as a hull in the water that holds my soul. THD on TrawlerForum.

171. Today I have been more useless than the "g" in lasagna.

172. Solving an issue independently is one trait of a successful boater. Janice Marois.

173. Tools need to be near where they are used, especially in an emergency situation. Janice Marois.

174. The best bilge pump is a scared sailor with a bucket.

175. The richest man, whatever his lot, is he who is content with what he has got. Dutch proverb.

176. The scale of our homes should be derived from the real needs of our daily lives, not from vanity, insecurity, or a need for public display. Home should be the setting for life, not the measure of it. James Gauer.

177. Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten. Philip K. Saunders.

178. Your working IQ is your regular IQ, divided by the number of boats you own. Bestathook on Cruisers Forum.

179. It is precisely the possibility of realizing a dream that makes life interesting. Paulo Coelho.

180. No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor. Danish proverb.

181. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. Albert Einstein.

182. The main benefit to a small fiberglass dinghy like Algae is that folks don't realize by virtue of the fenders she is stable, thus she's less likely to be acquired by nefarious sorts. Janice Marois.

183. A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something. George Ade.

184. Asking questions is important but even more so is listening to the complete answer. Janice Marois.

185. The "winterizing" method one of my GMC friends says he uses is to tie a snow shovel to his front bumper, then drive South until someone asks him what that that thing tied to his bumper is. RonC on VanDwellers.

186. Sometimes I just look up, smile and say, "I know that was you God. Thanks!"

187. My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned, and that's okay. Rachel Wolchin.

188. Before you take on some big job, full of confidence because you did it before, just remember that you were younger when you did it before. Thomas Sowell.

189. Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave. Martin Luther.

190. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes up easily, it's a valuable plant.

191. It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English - up to fifty words used in correct context - no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. Carl Sagan. 1934-1996.

192. I want my life simple and the tools used need to be intuitive, easy and work. Janice Marois.

193. Christmas has been canceled, and it is all your fault because you told Santa Claus you've been good this year and he died laughing.

194. The message is the journey, we are sure the answer lies in the destination. But in reality, there is no station, no place to arrive at once and for all. The joy of life is the trip, and the station is a dream that constantly out distances us. Robert Hastings, The Station.

195. I suspect a rather strong streak of independence would be found a common denominator in most successful boaters. Janice Marois.

196. It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. Noel Coward.

197. It's a boat and stuff goes wrong. Fixing it is a matter of perseverance.

198. I'm old, I'm cold and I want to go home. Pat in Carrabelle.

199. Thinking about danger is absolutely fruitless unless it leads to risk reduction. Fix what you want to, deal with what happens, and any landing you walk away from you learn from. Ann T. Cate, on CruisersForum.

200. It's not about being perfect, it's about doing something. If we're looking for perfection, we'll never, ever get there. Laurie David.

201. Love is a friendship set to music. E. Joseph Cossman.

202. A turtle only makes progress when its neck is out.

203. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

204. Minor irritations make for major thorns if not resolved quickly. Janice Marois.

205. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

206. Aim for success, not perfection. Dr. David M. Burns.

207. Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow."

208. Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will go fishing. Henry David Thoreau.

209. There is no point dwelling on all the foolish mistakes we have made in our lives. For one thing, it can be very time consuming. Thomas Sowell.

210. When told the reason for daylight saving time the Old Indian said, "Only the Federal Government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket."

211. 12 o'clock Flasher aka idiot. Every appliance in the home flashes 12:00.

212. People usually do what they feel like doing anyway and rationalize what they've done afterward. L. E. Modesitt Jr.

213. Having an interesting life is a matter of choice.

214. How do you know it's Fall in Florida? The license plates start changing colors. Pilothouse King on TrawlerForum.

215. In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet African grey parrot called Polly, was removed from his funeral for swearing.

216. And while we live at anchor and thus live a normal life with a couple of drinks, I always remember that Neptune has decided that in my case all emergencies occur late at night. Marty on Bay Pelican.

217. Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

218. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murra.

219. Until it leaves the dock, a boat is just substandard housing. Move it! Janet Groene.

220. I don't really cook all that often and when I do poison control is on the speed dial "just in case". Stacy L.

221. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

222. Dark chocolate can be stored for years, while white and milk chocolate shouldn't be kept for longer than nine months. Hints from Heloise.

223. Advice is free. If I have to get out my tools, I charge. Larry Pardey.

224. I can understand wanting to have millions of dollars, there's a certain freedom, meaningful freedom, that comes with that. But once you get much beyond that, I have to tell you, it's the same hamburger. Bill Gates.

225. The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well. H.T. Leslie.

226. The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired. Milton Berle.

227. Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. Nido Qubein.

228. My super power is that I think of the easiest and most efficient solution to a problem and I implement it. I call it, 'Common Sense.'

229. Excellence is not an act but a habit. The things you do the most are the things you will do the best. Marva Collins, Educator.

230. The first step toward healthy stress is to define the problem. The best definition that I've heard of a problem is that a problem is something I can do something about. If I can't do anything about it, it is not my problem. Fred Smith.

231. Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. Robert H. Schuller.

232. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?

233. The most dangerous person in the world to a child is the step-father or mother's boyfriend.

234. If boat building is your hobby, get a fixer up and be happy for 5-10 years. IF cruising is the goal, get the boat, get underway and in a year decide what isn't working for you. FF on TrawlerForum.

235. If the only tool you own is a hammer, soon everything begins to look like a nail. Janice Marois.

236. A little help is better than a lot of pity. Celtic Proverb.

237. To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you... They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect. Bill Bryson.

238. If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.

239. Don't fix the blame, fix the problem. Keith S. Pennington.

240. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

241. I wanted to do something nice, so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. Henny Youngman.

242. Do not argue over inconsequential matters.

243. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. Mark Twain.

244. Black flies breed in running water, mosquitoes in standing water. The black flies come at the beginning of mud season and the mosquitoes at the end.

245. It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food. Jarod Kintz, $3.33.

246. In my day we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

247. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. Dorothy Parker.

248. I’m an idealist, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. Carl Sanburg.

249. Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things. Randy Pausch.

250. The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Cicero, 106 BC - 43 BC.

251. Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. C. S. Lewis.

252. This must be the golden age of euphemisms. When people deliberately violate our laws by crossing our borders illegally, they are called "undocumented workers." When people steal copyrighted material and exchange it among themselves, it is called "file swapping" instead of fencing stolen goods. Thomas Sowell.

253. Every marina has a few "experts". They are the guys who, if you ask them what time it is, tell you about how they built the clock. Chief Engineer on CruisersForum.

254. The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. Vincent Van Gogh.

255. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00 At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

256. Mother fish to school of baby fish: "Your father, may he rest in peace, was considered quite a catch."

257. He says I have guts and a low instinct for self-preservation. I believe it's merely a positive outlook combined with a limited imagination. (re planned Atlantic crossing)

258. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman.

259. Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. Margaret Thatcher.

260. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Oscar Wilde.

261. We hear Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money?

262. Don't pick fights with the cook.

263. Being able to find the things you have is as important as having them on hand. Janice Marois.

264. I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde.

265. He had delusions of adequacy. Walter Kerr.

266. Enforce the rules that exist. Period. Nothing more, nor anything less. Janice Marois, re boating laws.

267. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

268. The lathe is the only tool that can nearly replicate itself. Dale Jenkins (the welder) paraphrased.

269. A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

270. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. Herman Cain.

271. Remember to live your dreams now because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Janice Marois.

272. My life is running like wockclork.

273. Most newbies don't need anchor advice...they need anchoring advice. psneeld on TrawlerForum.

274. Just when you think you've graduated from the school of experience, someone thinks up a new course. Mary H. Waldrip, journalist. 

275. Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer. Mark Amend.

276. Let your eyes crinkle, let your skin wrinkle. Our lines show that we've lived. If he doesn't love you when you look like a map, tell him to hit the road. From the movie Connia and Carla.

277. Rehab is for quitters.

278. Cruisers don't have plans, they have intentions. Herb Payson, paraphrased.

279. We've been doing so much with so little for so long that we are now qualified to accomplish the impossible with virtually nothing for an indefinite period.

280. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. Baroness Edith Summerskill.

281. I remember coming to grips with the notion that I could spend six digits on a boat and still come home with a fixer upper. 6-Pack on TrawlerForum.

282. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

283. Boat Math: Start with a list of 10 projects, finish 8, and find yourself with only 15 projects left. Boat Projects have a definite kinship with rabbits.

284. Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. George Bernard Shaw.

285. The customer doesn't expect everything will go right all the time; the big test is what you do when things go wrong. Sir Colin Marshall.

286. I know that there are still voices of sanity around because I have counted them -- on one hand. Thomas Sowell.

287. What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy! I'm stuffed!"

288. The more you get, the more you got to take care of. Alice K. Dormann.

289. How to sail: Point boat where you want to go; pull in sails until they stop flapping; if sails are still flapping chose another direction. Paraphrased from Bos'un Bruce Hector.

290. It's not healthy to eat too much, but the thing about food is, well, it's delicious. Janice Marois.

291. How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue, and then you add eggs and sugar and get cake? What happens to the glue? You know the answer already: that's what makes the cake stick to your butt.

292. For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Audrey Hepburn.

293. Going to the grocery store just isn't a priority when the fate of a fictional character in a book is hanging in the balance.

294. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff. Marois proverb.

295. Luxury, real luxury, is spending an entire day reading a good book, or enjoying the companionship of someone you love, or marveling underwater at the colors of tropical fish. And knowing you can do the same tomorrow if you want to, and the day after.

296. The past gives us experience and memories; the present gives us challenges and opportunities; the future gives us vision and hope. William Arthur Ward. Journalist.

297. The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it. Elbert Hubbard, philosopher, author, publisher. 1856-1915.

298. To dream is to see beyond the horizon and to know we are capable of anything our heart desires.

299. Do you know the difference between a beautiful woman and a charming one? A beauty is a woman you notice, a charmer is a one who notices you. Adlai Stevenson.

300. Whatever your dreams are, work now to make them happen.

301. It's sad beyond measure when a fellow is forced to give up his dream because of health issues.

302. Men gather wealth to them, and measure their worth by what they have accumulated. Women are nurturing, so we fix our value by what we can give or share with others.

303. A man will spend $2 for a $1 item he wants, while a woman will spend $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.

304. Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. George Washington.

305. Regarding allowances, back when I was a kidlet I had to clean up after our saber-toothed cat and sweep the mammoth hair off the floor of the cave; I received 10 cents a week. Anna W. on PBS, paraphrased.

306. Experience is the name given mistakes, after you've survived the event.

307. Vegetarian - an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'. Andy Rooney.

308. A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

309. If you would not be forgotten as soon as you're dead and rotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth the writing. Benjamin Franklin.

310. Cold cure: At midday, look at the sun: If it is south of you, you are in the northern hemisphere and should set a generally southern course, whereas if it is north of you, you are in the southern hemisphere and should set a generally northern course. Repeat each 24 hours until the butter melts. Weyalan on CruisersForum.

311. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. Erma Bombeck.

312. Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

313. When we switched from a doing society to a being society, we switched from heroes to celebrities. Heroes serve society, celebrities serve themselves. Joseph Campbell.

314. He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. Epictetus.

315. I've found that nothing keeps me alert quite like a healthy fear of death. Sisko on StarTrek.

316. A boat repo man advocates making the boat distinctive so it can easily be located in case of theft or an emergency.

317. All I want is a bigger bladder so I can sleep later.

318. A-1 - Lloyds of London originally used this term in their shipping registry. Ships were graded by letter, and their cargo by number. "A" - ship perfect. "1" - cargo perfect.

319. Trying to beat storms instead of waiting to go in behind them is analogous to having a boat race with the devil.

320. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. Albert Einstein.

321. I want to live in Theory. Everything works there.

322. My diet can be summarized by saying: "If it's edible, I am not supposed to eat it." Thomas Sowell.

323. You were born under the sign of Pistachio... the nut. Jackie Gleason in the Honeymooner's Game.

324. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

325. Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.

326. Children will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

327. The day after Thanksgiving begins the Christmas shopping season. Millions of Americans will peruse the aisles looking for that hard to find item. A helpful store clerk. Alan Ray.

328. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

329. A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still. Edmond J. Marois.

330. If you've never run aground, you've never been anywhere.

331. Whenever a bird carps on my boat, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs in my cockpit just to let them know what I'm capable of.

332. At one point in the 14th and 15th centuries, only 5-10% of the learned community believed the earth was round. I am not saying I am right. I am saying I'm not necessarily wrong.

333. If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry Truman, former President.

334. My last husband often said I was married to my boat. Before we married (the husband, not the boat) I told him that if he ever made me choose between him and my boat that I would always choose my boat. Either he thought I was kidding, or there is more proof that men don't listen to women. ShipShape on Sailnet.

335. If women have excessive belly fat and a muffin-top, it can be fatal. Especially if you mention it to her. Jay Leno.

336. Male Menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. But, with male menopause, you get to date young women and drive motorcycles.

337. I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds; then I got a Facebook account, and now I'm over it.

338. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

339. He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. Goethe.

340. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

341. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

342. There are two kinds of men who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told and those who can do nothing else. Cyrus H. Curtis, 1850-1933.

343. I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all. Coco Chanel.

344. We know what December sees in May (youth, gaiety) and May is going to expect Christmas in December. (regarding May/December relationships)

345. When you think all is lost, the future remains.

346. More than once, after I woke up some morning feeling like I was 20 again, I did something that ended up with me on crutches or otherwise being reminded emphatically by my body that I was definitely not 20 again. Women may lie about their age to other people, but men lie about their age to themselves. Thomas Sowell.

347. Experience is something I always think I have enough of until I get more.

348. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of the hole.

349. For every person with a spark of genius, there are a hundred with ignition trouble. Glenn A. Colemen.

350. As long as women have curves, men will have angles.

351. A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. Chauncey Mitchell Depew.

352. Creativity is intelligence having fun. Albert Einstein.

353. Catfish naturally have an odd number of whiskers.

354. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

355. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

356. Only two sailors, in my experience, never ran aground. One never left port and the other was an atrocious liar. Don Bamford.

357. Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. It's your inner child playing with matches.

358. Bookworms will rule the world, as soon as we finish one more chapter.

359. A truly happy person can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

360. Creating a happy home is a matter of attitude far more than finances. Janice Marois.

361. My uncle used to sleep in a chandelier; he was a light sleeper.

362. A smart man learns from his mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

363. My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. Rodney Dangerfield.

364. Keep in mind that it doesn't have to be perfect, and instead think, "how bad does it have to be for it not to work?" Rudy Sechez.

365. My friend is taking a blind date to a Halloween party. He said he hopes that when the masks come off, things don't get ugly.

366. Begin doing what you want to now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake. Marie Beyon Ray.

367. People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Ann Landers.

368. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

369. If you are what you eat, then I only wanna eat the good stuff. Ratatouille, by Disney.

370. For all who are convinced that your cat truly loves you, try to remember that, if you were to magically shrink to a size just smaller than your pet, the feline of your dreams would kill and eat you. Gil Ross, Attorney.

371. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

372. If a messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, some kitchens are delirious.

373. We cannot see the future nor change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreck revenge on everyone who ever screwed us in the past.

374. The ideal boat sleeps two, feeds four and parties six.

375. Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns. Carl Gundlach.

376. I will charge nothing but the promise that you help the next person you find in trouble.

377. There are no single mosquitoes. They are all married, with children.

378. Done is better than unfinished and waiting/planning for perfection. Janice Marois.

379. No matter how wealthy you become, you'll never have enough money to buy back the weekends lost working. Dick Bradley. Motor Boating & Sailing Magazine.

380. I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's an interesting path.

381. Boat Math: Start with a list of 10 projects, finish 8, and find yourself with only 15 projects left. Boat Projects have a definite kinship with rabbits.

382. Good enough and done is better than waiting/planning for perfection later. Janice Marois.

383. Happiness is created when we are free to think and feel deeply, simply enjoy life, to overcome boundaries, and, to be needed. Janice Marois.

384. I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

385. We are never so generous as when giving advice. Francois de la Rochefoucauld.

386. Forget health food. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

387. The most important time to help someone is when they need it. Dave Marinaccio.

388. When the coffee is hot, and the talk is good, and the feeling is easy, and the laughter is light, and the memories are many, but the time is too short, you know you are with a friend. Ann Landers.

389. Begin doing what you want to now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our
     hand, and melting like a snowflake. Marie Beyon Ray.

390. A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pool of water. The ripples spread far beyond the point of impact. Dear Abby by her daughter Pauline Phillips.

*Republished: http://forums.linn.co.uk/ ~ 5 May 2014.