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Date: 22 March 2014. Dating after Decades.


In the continuing series of how to find your cruising compatriot, we have discussed various scenarios to meet and entice potential  partners. [See the Relationships page for previous articles.] Not all acquaintances blossom into friendships nor do all friendships take that next step and become lovers.  Still,  after decades "out of the dating loop" there are some challenges that we did not have years ago.

The number one problem is recognizing interest. 

When younger we did the dance, married, had children, and suddenly for some of us, we are alone. Either by our own choice or circumstances there is definitely some baggage after the half-century mark. Overcoming obstacles is mostly a self-driven exercise and here are some key things to remember:

  1. Few of us over 50 resemble the youthful hard-bodies we once were.

  2. Soft is not a bad thing.

  3. Be comfortable with what you are now and relax.

  4. Accept that an open mind and heart are attractive at any age.

  5. We are the experiences we've had and there is much wisdom gained in age, and compassion.

  6. Because of ups and downs in our earlier years we recognize that everything is not always perfect, and (drum-roll please)

Circa 1975, yours truly.

Good enough can be FABULOUS, with the right person.

Lunch is always a good way to get to know a person, without pressure.  Communication (that scary word!) isn't too hard at the initial stages.  Being honest about expectations helps too. Finding common ground is more important than any sexual attraction.

A few generalities can open up a world of possibilities HOWEVER you must realize what's happening and frankly, one problem I had was a lack of understanding when and where clues existed.  Still there are commonalities and they begin thus:

  1. Dinner.  Not lunch -- the hour suggests "more" and dinner at a home is clue one that interest is there. Perhaps.

  2. Another dinner.  Getting to know each other's history...
    This is not the time for a drawn out treatise on what was wrong with previous partners.

  3. A healthy dose of Literotica can't hurt. 

  4. If you've a Coach on the side-lines of the opposite gender who can tell you what men (or women) expect/want/wish for, that helps too.


Honest to goodness I had dinner (twice!) at a fellow's home and still didn't have a clue that he might be interested in me. And I was definitely interested in him. Sometimes I feel like a 15-watt bulb in a 100-watt world. (sigh)

So you're interested, eh?  For a woman, dressing well is helpful.  Men like to imagine access, so the blue jeans are o-u-t and dresses or skirts are in. 


Men are visual and a little inspiration can work wonders.

Think casual not ballroom.  The proverbial LBD (Little Black Dress) is almost always effective... or it will plant a seed for the fellow to ponder. And remember that after the half century mark imagination is important.



Men need to remember that being clean helps.

Even men who work with their hands do not need to have layers of grime. 

Showering helps -- and really, I should not have to say it but there is this miracle product called a razor.  Use it -- if not on your face at least the neck should be tidy.

Dressing well helps too. Try shirts with collars versus ragged tee shirts and nothing should have holes.  No buttons should be missing.


We do not want to mother you.

We have other plans!


But what is most important of all is the scariest:  Communication.

Personally, I have a difficult time saying what I want.  Years as a caretaker meeting the needs of others has changed me -- probably for the better. I know I am kinder than I once was. Life is about growth and like others I want to believe I have improved over time.

Yes, eventually I will wish to find someone who is able to meet the following criteria: A gentle man and a boater. There is more, but for now I will sign off.  Take care and perhaps I shall see you along the waterways.

I'd love to hear what you want in a partner.
How long have you been single?

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2014, 2023

Category: Relationships

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