Date: 21a March 2019. Dating for Boaters (summary)

© janice142
 

Date: 21 February 2019. Dating for Boaters - Part 1

A long time subscriber on the Pacific coast asked how to find a lady to share his journey afloat. He wants to find a partner to cruise with aboard his boat. Frankly it can get lonesome out here. I believe it is easier to find someone when you are based shore-side versus living *on the hook. Here's how I would find The One.

*on the hook: at anchor

Wonderful sunsets abound. As for me, I love watching the wildlife. If you enjoy that
sort of thing too, volunteer at a bird sanctuary to find others who share that interest.

Blue heron ↑ atop a piling. Herons eat fish. One this size could eat a foot long mullet.
 

Details on the heron, as found in my Birds of North America book.

 

Please remember I am not a 20-year-old seeking adventure. At this stage of my life I value safety. Like most women I nest. For me that is aboard my boat. Your job is to prove that your boat can be a home, and a comfortable one at that.
 

Or, find a woman who has her own boat!
 

This is my favorite place to be:

The dinette aboard Seaweed overlooks my domain. This is my happy spot. The view is fabulous.
 

Do you have a place for a woman to relax and sit comfortably on your boat? I discussed this topic in the If the Deck Shoe Fits article. A lady may imagine herself relaxing after you've grilled a freshly caught fish, later watching the stars march across the sky.
 

It is unlikely that said woman will immediately wish to drop all of her land-based pleasures to sail off the horizon with you. Presenting said adventure as a shorter term sabbatical is a better strategy.
 

An ideal partner is one who has an interest in your life afloat.

  Being asked aboard for a short boat ride is great. That's FUN!
Relaxing in the cockpit of S/V Oramae is a great way to make new friends. Cap'n Dave on the right.
  
Don't go for out dinner. That's expensive!!! You don't want to be thought of as a meal ticket.
 

A bite to eat aboard your boat is fine. Trust me when I say you don't want a high-maintenance individual. Going "all out" for those initial dates/outings is usually a mistake. Simply be yourself.
 

If you're not confident about your cooking skills, buy pre-made sandwiches at the grocery store. Add a package of seedless grapes if you wish. Grapes are a healthy snack food and most people like them. Pick red ones, as they are the sweetest. DO NOT chose the large round Globe grapes. That kind has seeds.

I believe men worth knowing are happy and successful.

Being the happy guy or gal will net you more friendships than you can imagine. One might just blossom into something more. I have been blessed with many friends over the years. For you, I wish the same.

Happy boating. Part Two follows.

Date: 28 February 2019. Dating for Boaters - Part 2.
 

This is Part 2 of a requested series. A sailor asked how to find a cruising partner. I can totally understand the desire to share this  experience with others. Here is my advice to that gent:

I am very fortunate in that I can share my journey with others. I totally appreciate the readers and am humbled that so many would chose to spend time with me. Thank you!
 

In that regard, my website allows me to interact with online friends. You met one such couple in the Imaginary Friends IRL (in real life) article. Larry and Eva have a place south of here with their boat docked right out back. Life does not get much better, especially when readying a vessel for a long trip.

Larry and Eva aboard Bucky have a beautiful boat, the desire, and a plan. Soon they will be *doing the Loop.

*doing the Loop: The circumnavigation of Eastern North America by water is known as The Great Loop. The trip varies from 5,000 miles to 7,500 miles depending on the options used. Many boaters join the America's Great Loop Cruisers' Association aka AGLCA [http://greatloop.org]
 

Soloists such as myself often start out on this journey quite content with our status. After all, we have worked hard to succeed and now have the boat of our dreams. Of course there is work to do to. There always is.
 

Being at anchor diminishes the possibility of potential visitors a lot!
 

Number One: The likelihood of finding a partner while anchored off that enchanting small town is poor. You are a pain in the transom to visit so casual trips cannot be easily managed. Dinghy rides to a boat? No. Not at first for most ladies.

To put myself at physical risk by being on a stranger's
boat at anchor and alone is not going to happen.

I don't believe guys think about personal safety as much as women. Men are physically stronger. Thus gals tend to be more cautious in situations that are secluded.

The Florida Keys are gorgeous. Shallow areas or sandy bottoms ↑ are white/light colored. Folks there tend to
enjoy boating activities. It is a part of the culture. To locals your life choice is likely to be considered normal.

But I digress...
Most of the time when I visit another boater I come via either Algae or Seaweed. I provide my own transportation. That is because I can then leave at will without bothering or relying on someone else.
 

In new or uncomfortable situations feeling safe is a priority.
Being able to leave immediately offers me a sense of well-being.

One of the advantages of having a smaller boat is that she's portable. I can go places far easier than if Seaweed were a 40'er. It is a simple matter to raise the anchor and come by for a visit. Having a reliable engine has made a world of difference. I am truly blessed.

You can ameliorate that concern (going out to a boat at anchor) by bringing your vessel to a dock.

I bring Seaweed into the dock at the local McDonald's. Nearby the American Legion has live music regularly.
 

Number Two: Bars are out, unless you are looking for an individual who drinks too much. Women and men of substance do not spend extended time in bars.

Celebrating on occasion at a pub is a
different kettle of fish. That is entirely fine.

Be aware that alcoholism is an issue when folks get or feel isolated. Don't let that happen to you!
 

You may have noticed a prejudice against excessive booze from me. That is because over time I have seen all too many cruisers who fall into the bottle when things don't go according to plan. I worry about those single folks with no one to "pull them back from the edge" when times are difficult. Couples don't seem quite so vulnerable.
 

One night several of us went to a pub to celebrate a
birthday that happened to coincide with St. Paddy's Day.

Houseboat Bob ↑ joined us in celebrating St. Patrick's Day a few years back. This was a
combination birthday / St. Paddy's Day shindig involving corned beef and cabbage too.
 

Number Three: If you want a woman, go where the women are. It really is that simple.
 

What do women like? Any number of things. I like reading. Before Kindle, I spent a lot of time in libraries. Now Amazon and Gutenberg are my suppliers. That said, libraries are more than just repositories of knowledge.

Kelly helped me set up the Verizon tablet with OverDrive. I love that tablet!!!

Now I can borrow eBooks without leaving my boat, for free! Having a tablet is Tremendously wonderful.
I am so happy for the Verizon tablet I enjoy. It is an amazing device. The world of Sci-fi is a reality now.
 

The local library here in Madeira Beach (Gulf Beaches branch) offers a writers group meeting each Monday morning at ten. I might stick around after the meeting and socialize if I wished. There are other groups who meet at the library.
 

Visit the library system where you live. See what they
 have to offer. You might be pleasantly surprised. I was!
 

When I was in Carrabelle the LIBRARY ↓ was a favorite of mine. I spent many hours there.

 

Here in St. Petersburg we are blessed with Haslam's Book Store. It is truly the best book store I have ever been in.

The Book Store - Haslam's in St. Pete vignette tells you about that fine establishment.
I had the most fun in that store. As a plus, it is near enough to the waterfront to be an easy Uber away.

Finding an interest you can share with another person is the start of a friendship. Any relationship that thrives seems to revolve around mutual curiosity. People who can enjoy time together and apart seem to be happiest. That's why having the right boat (or two boats!) is important for success in this life.
 

Well, I've run on at the fingertips again. More in this series will be upcoming very shortly.

Date: 7 March 2019. Dating for Boaters - Part 3.
 

Finding someone to share the journey afloat is not so easy. This is Part 3 of a series for those seeking a cruising partner. Seeing a sea turtle pop up his head is so much more satisfying when you can say "did you see that?" to someone you care about. I had that with my Bob, albeit via the telephone. Since then though, well, I miss Bob. You met Bob in the Time Stopped article.

One way to meet people that share our interests is to take a class in a subject that can be useful as we cruise. What do you like to do? Are you heading for the tropics? If so, a class to learn scuba diving may be just the thing. You will meet others who share that passion.
 

As a bonus with equipment (an air tank or hookah unit) you will be able to keep your propeller clean. Checking and replacing zincs as needed is important too. Cleaning boat bottoms is a lucrative business. I have Seaweed's bottom done once a month.
 

Levi is the diver I am using currently. He does a great job at a reasonable rate. Like all good divers he is busy.

Send Levi a text [330-689-6652] if you're in the region and he might be able to fit you in.
 

In Madeira Beach, Infinite-Descent has a retail store for divers and water aficionados.

At Infinite Descent diver Kayla was helpful in explaining the PADI certification requirements.

If you're in the area call 727-202-6965 for more information about Infinite-Descent.
 

I know a fellow who took beginning Spanish three times in a row at a local college. Classes are sometimes free for older folks who wish to audit (sit and listen) to the class. The gent ended up dating the instructor.
 

Courses in diesel mechanics, navigation and fishing would all be useful. These tasks can be learned from a book however a class will put you with others who share your interest.
 

Another place that offers classes is the local fabric store. Most will having beginning sewing courses.

Being able to sew new cushion covers, curtains and more will save money. I am not an expert at the machine!
 

Although my sewing skills are not anything to brag about, my sewing machine is. It's a Singer 221 and was a gift from my friend Mabe. This is an older unit (circa 1950's) and does a perfect straight stitch. It goes forward and reverse, and that is it. There is no zigzag. I like that because this machine is not complicated, and because it was a gift.
 

Like many, I remember the people behind the things I use. When I turn on my watermaker I think of Bill and Ken. The air-conditioner is Grandpa Edwin. Two of the solar panels are Bucky. The refrigerator is Michael. And the sewing machine is Mabe. As you can see, many people have made this life of mine better. I truly am blessed.
 

Regarding sewing your own bimini: They are Much Harder than one would think. There are a lot of
 curves. A well made bimini may indeed be worth spending the $$$ necessary for a properly made unit.

A bimini covering the fly bridge keeps the captain out of the bright sun or rain at least some of the time.

The best thing though is to get out there and learn. If the first class doesn't "click" there is no reason not to take the course again. Sometimes, at least for me, I need to hear and see information more than once for it to sink in. When I was younger it seems like learning was quicker than it is now.
 

Nothing is as fast as it once was,
except my need to use the head at night!

The boat I chose has an easily assessable head near my bunk. This is the schematic of Seaweed:

But I digress...
Librarians are generally knowledgeable about all things local. Those folks know everything about their communities. Asking a librarian about nearby activities is not precisely their field of expertise however I have never been disappointed. They have local knowledge and are willing to share great information.
 

The thing is this: when searching for someone to share your life, sitting on the boat will not work. You've got to get out there and socialize.
 

One place to do that is in Gulfport at the ↓ Casino. There is dancing inside this building.

Outside the Gulfport Casino is a seating area. It overlooks the tennis courts, beach, park and a nice anchorage.
 

I told you about that anchorage in the Gulfport, FL weekend dockmaster Tom article.

This is Tom. ↑ He is the weekend dockmaster in Gulfport and a great ambassador for the community.

I find that happiness increases when I have someone to share my experiences with. Mostly that is via this website. Thank you for reading.
 

Part 4 will be posted shortly.

Date: 14 March 2019. Dating for Boaters - Part 4.
 

Few people like to be completely alone. We are social creatures. Some however have higher standards and lower tolerances for fools. Personally, I believe boaters are among the most fascinating people on the planet. They (you/we) have taken a different path than the norm. I rather like that.
 

Fortunately there are communities of boaters across the globe. Marinas are hubs of activity.

Friendships form amongst the boaters staying in marinas.

It is always more fun to contemplate someone else's problem than my own.
Yours costs me nothing except time. Time however does fly by all too quickly.

Comfort levels increase when there are other people around. Marinas and boatyards offer that.

I made friends in boat yards that I still communicate with years later. This is Dockside ↑ in Carrabelle.

Folks new to life afloat would be well advised to stay in a marina when they first move aboard a boat. There will be problems you have no experience with that have already been solved by others. Let Old Timers guide you.
 

You do not need to "know it all" before leaving.
 

The other boaters can be both a help and a hindrance. We get comfortable with an electric cord, unlimited water, the ease of receiving mail, nearby grocery stores and shops. Those amenities can combine into a piece of strong Velcro! Leaving becomes difficult.
 

Nights at anchor soothe my soul.  I need that serenity for my sanity.

If you're fortunate enough to stay at a marina, look around the neighborhood. Most have a nearby cafe that is open in the morning. Go there every day for coffee. Become a "regular" and soon you will have a circle of associates.
 

Garrison's Bight, in Key West is a vibrant marina.

 

You fellows all know that when an online dating profile says her hobby is "fine dining" she is going to be high maintenance and expensive. Women innately realize that man whose online profile states "seeking an adventurous partner with the possibility of marriage," he wants a sex partner.
 

One place to find other boaters is at a boat gear store. In addition to places like West Marine, there are marine consignment shops, used gear sales at chain stores and my favorite: nautical flea markets. I prefer buying from fellow boaters. Prices are generally lower and I find those obscure items I didn't know I needed.
 

I met Captain John and his dog Ebony at the yearly *JSI nautical flea market in St. Petersburg.

I bought a triple block from Captain John. I have it on my dinghy davit to help me raise Algae out of the water.
John's dog Ebony is a Schipperke. That breed is popular aboard cruising boats because they are quite protective.

*JSI [Island Nautical Marine Center] is located in downtown St. Petersburg. They make sails, do canvas work, rigging and more. I still call the place Doyle Sails though they do far more than "just" sails and rigging.
Address: 2233 3rd Avenue South, St. Petersburg, FL  33712. Phone: 727-577-3220.
 

When it comes to socializing, having a dog is a real benefit. Skipper is a gateway for conversations with people. Folks will greet me when I have my First Mate alongside. Still, I don't take her all the time. It is critically important that she not be "That Dog!!!" in the anchorage that barks like a lunatic when left alone aboard the boat.

All too often once we get to a certain age, no one seems interested in what we have to say about any topic. Quite frankly, having someone ask me questions about my life is flattering.
 

Not all women feel that way though. Sometimes rapid fire queries border on inquisitions. That is never good.
 

Make sure you are actually listening to people, and not
just waiting for your turn to speak. by erissays (paraphrased)
 

Sharing this world can be accomplished by having a friend. FIRST a friend, then perhaps that will evolve into a relationship. Men over 60 (and I am in that age group too) should not try to go directly from meet-and-greet to let's-sleep-together. Women tend to take longer to develop emotional attachments.
 

Putting pressure on a lady because you want to go cruising shortly usually will not work at all. I do not know that I have ever observed success in that tactic, however there may indeed be an exception.

Of course you are Special. This time things might indeed
be different. If so, good luck and safe travels to you both.
 

Seaweed is not just a great boat. She is shelter, safety and a home that I will always enjoy.

Seaweed provides a safe harbor in a world of change. She is mine, today, tomorrow and forever.
 

Men need to understand that to a woman stability and a home are critically important. Many singles over 40 years old have come through the economic and emotional trauma of divorce. Some men have been "taken to the cleaners" and so too there are women who fall into poverty after a marriage fails. Both are naturally gun-shy.

*Taken to the cleaners: an American term meaning financially wiped out/cleaned of all cash and assets after a divorce.
 

It takes a mighty fine partner to be better than none at all.

Aboard M/V Hero, love occurs. Julie enjoys laying atop her friend Tucker.
The Dachshund duo are a sure conversation starter as they dash about their boat.

When people see me with Skipper they will chat. That is always nice. I meet folks who talk to my pup.

I call Skipper my Social Secretary. She helps me interact with others. Dog People tend to be nice folks.

Advice for Fellows: Once you spot a lady who has piqued your interest it is time to get to know her. Ask questions, and be sure to be quiet so you can hear what she has to say.  This can be done via email, on the phone or in person. How did she get to be in the place she is today?
 

Everyone has had disappointments and usually more than one crushing life-changing event. How has she (or he) recovered? Lessons learned, etc. We all evolve as experiences shape our being. Most want someone that is done wallowing and ready to find happiness, joy and contentment in what life brings.

I find real pleasure in simple things. Sure, I like on occasion to go out to a restaurant, especially if it is something I am not good at cooking. For the curious, that would be Chinese.
 

But I digress...
Concentrate on her interactions with others, especially service personnel. Rudeness has no place in a happy life.
 

You want someone who is fun,
interesting and without drama.

The final article in the series will be posted shortly. I'm almost finished with it. The best is yet to be, in case you wondered. (insert smile)
 

Thanks for reading.
 

Date: 21 March 2019. Dating for Boaters - Part 5.
 

Finding someone to share this world with can be difficult. Putting your entire boating life on hold because you haven't got a partner is not a good idea. Instead, get out here and look around. There are single folks on boats, albeit mostly men. Women have experienced those described in the If the Deck Shoe Fits article. You can surely do better than that!

I have observed boats cruising in tandem. That means that two or more boats are traveling together.

 

Cruising in tandem first came to my attention back when I was younger, pre-cancer. I had intended to buy a NorSea27 with the eventual goal of long-distance blue-water traveling. I read about tandem night sailing from a sailor on Cruisers Forum at least a decade ago. This is how it works:
 

Two boats are heading the same direction at the same speed. After dark, Boat One sets their auto-pilot and the captain goes to his bunk. Boat Two watches over Boat One, keeping it within visual distance. That second captain is the *Watch for both boats.

*Watch: the person on watch is responsible for the safety of the boats. He or she checks for hazards, monitors the radio, verifies the compass course, looks for other vessels, and generally makes sure all continues to be a-okay.

A few hours later the watch Boat Two wakens (via VHF radio) the sleeping Boat One. The guy on Boat Two sets his auto-pilot while the rested captain on Boat One takes over as Watch, keeping an eye on both vessels. There is continually a person making sure all is well. If the weather turns foul, then the sleeping captain is awoken.

Side Note regarding being on Watch: Normally on night watch you survey the entire horizon every 15 minutes. As you can well imagine, no one can do that continually around the clock without serious sleep deprivation. By sharing the watch, two boats in tandem can maintain a good lookout AND get much needed rest.

This is C-Lover ↑ at sail on Tampa Bay. She has solar panels mounted atop her dinghy davits.
C-Lover also has a wind generator. Making power when away from the dock is important.
 

Both captains are ultimately responsible for their own vessels. Cruising in tandem is  an option soloists should consider.
 

For the curious, here are details of an aft cabin model NorSea27:
	This was my Dream Boat for many years. I am grateful I never bought one as she would not be right for me at this stage of my life. I'm getting older, and frankly raising sails would be too much for me.

I thought the whole process of tandem cruising was so interesting I decided that if I were to ever do a passage (even a short overnight hop to the Bahamas) I would want to do so in tandem. This is a way for two soloists to arrive after an overnight voyage with both rested. Of course the boats must travel at the same speed.
 

Sometimes the boats traveling in tandem will raft up if the waters are protected enough to make that a safe option.

Manatee and Houseboat Bob traveled in tandem. Here they are rafted up in the Carrabelle River.

As for me, I rather like the idea of having someone nearby. It is nice to have that sense of purpose, companionship and Privacy too. Because Seaweed is my home, I shall have the best of both worlds.
 

I can enjoy company, and yet retain my own domain. A fellow boat owner who finds a cruising chick with her own vessel can have the same thing too. Each boat is able to enjoy companionship without giving up independence.
 

Skipper and I treasure quiet moments. We are a silent duo, seldom making any noise at all.

I will admit that when a porpoise is nearby Skip does bark like a lunatic. She loves dolphins.
 

For me, life aboard Seaweed is too wonderful to even consider "jumping ship" for another bigger, fancier boat. My home is practically perfect, except for the stuff that needs fixing, upgrading or replacing. Next on the list is to have a tuna door installed.

I know of a pair of sailboats that traveled together for quite some time. Ultimately they parted however each still retained a safety net, i.e. their own boat home. Perhaps that is the best way to travel...

Being on a boat is a wonderful thing. I am
very fortunate for my life aboard Seaweed.
 

Unfortunately, in the past few months I have done practically zero cruising with just sporadic evenings at anchor. I am getting back into the flow, albeit slowly.
 

I blink and another week or three has flashed by. In the meantime there are always projects. Little things seem to take the longest from start, through planning and then into fruition. I feel like I am accomplishing things, yet nothing is totally 100% finished. Argh!
 

This is the time of the year when I count my blessings. Two of them are here:
Baby and my Grand are wonderful. Baby and Son-In-Law brought me with them to Disneyworld a while back. I told you about that in the Disney 2017 article. That is the vacation I will never forget. I am very blessed indeed. Thank you again Baby!

This entire series was brought about by a question from an online friend. He asked "Have you ever done any kind of survey on where your readers are? I would really like to meet some ladies here in the NW that live on boats. Or at least are not afraid of them. Lonesome adds in local publications don't seem to work. Perhaps you could do a personal column and let folks enter their stats and what and where they are? Thanks I read your columns most days and remember reading "where the girls are." (Where the Women Are) I may even go back to church, but I am a recovering Catholic."

My reply: I really don't know what will work for you, or anyone else for that matter. The items outlined in this series have been successful for some. Finding someone to share this life is possible. Partnerships develop and some stand the test of time. Happiness is finding joy in the life we are given.
 

I am totally happy that I have my Seaweed. My home is incredibly important to me.

The alternative would be dreadful. I absolutely do not want to end up in one of those old people prisons.
 

A boat offers freedom. Life on the water is spectacular. Having acquired a level of decadence, my journey is so much better now than even a few years ago. If your boat is not comfortable, being able to explain what improvements are planned can alleviate concerns.
 

I know Seaweed has evolved since I purchased her. This boat is nothing like the shell I started with. Your vessel does not have to be Perfect provided you can articulate a plan for making her better.
 

Life as a soloist can change. Down the river may indeed be someone very Special with their own boat.

Traveling with another vessel (cruising in tandem) is a viable alternative to living together on the same boat.

I believe it can be better for a relationship if both people have their own boat. Everyone, especially those of us who have been solo for a long time, has quirks. I know I need my alone time. I want to think my own thoughts on a boat that is virtually silent.

Other people like radios, television and music. I am not much for any of those things. Now I putter about the boat each day. Some days I simply curl up with my Kindle and read. Other days are spent enjoying a tablet. This one, a Verizon, is so beyond cool. I love it!

A huge thank you to the reader who provided me with this gem. It powers my online world.
 

But I digress...
If your life includes another individual, that is wonderful. Making friends is the key. Today after over eleven years aboard Seaweed, I am still corresponding with folks met at the start of this journey. Some I look forward to seeing again further along the waterways.

You want someone who is fun, interesting and without drama.
If both partners own their own boat, you are indeed blessed.

In the  meantime I intend to embrace life, cruise in tandem and continue to enjoy my world aboard Seaweed. I wish the same for you: much happiness, beautiful sunsets and a fabulous journey along the waters of our planet.

 

Good luck, and thank you for reading.
 

I'd love to hear what criteria you find Absolutely Imperative.
And, have you picked out one particular brand and size that suits you?
 

COMMENTS:
 

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